Every 6-12 months I have to go through a cycle of tests to make sure everything is stable. They found some inflammation in my lungs, lymph nodes and muscles so I am in the midst of an endless number of tests and doctors visits right now to make sure all is okay and to determine the best course of treatment. Tomorrow is another half day at the doctor, while squeezing in work before and after that… It is exhausting trying to work full-time but also spending 10-20 hours a week in doctor’s offices. On the other hand, it is nice to have healthcare available to me to manage chronic illness – most people in the world aren’t that lucky and would love to have my problem!
After feeling soooo off last night, where my health issues were hitting me so hard, I am feeling better today. Of course I am tired and sore (I am always tired and sore) but the overwhelming fatigue and pain has lifted some, and I just feel better. Again, what I love about therapy is that last night I was able to compartmentalize what I was feeling so that it was only physical, and not emotional/mental/spiritual. It is amazing gift that my therapist gave me, where I able to compartmentalize the misery. I will never be able to repay him for that (even though it has been more than a year since I last saw him).
On a side note, my night sweats have kicked back up again this past week. I’ll wake up damp in the morning, and when I wake up in the night my forehead is dripping wet, like I ran a sopping wash rag over it. Since lung disease, I go through waves – sometimes months at a time — of this, but at least my pajamas are only damp right now, versus drenched (as sometimes happens). It is strange to not be hot and to not even have a blanket on in 50 degree weather, yet drip sweat while I sleep. Yuck. 🙂
My hamstring in my left leg (usually it is my right leg) is acting up this morning, and my muscles are twitching like crazy. For example, right now my right hand is twitching like crazy, as is my left elbow. And all I want to go is go back to sleep (I am sooooooo sleepy – not tired, but sleepy). Am wondering if I am on the verge of a strong mini-flare that I get that last a couple of days. Hopefully not. Will see… The breathing problem I was having the other day (where my heart was fluttering and I had troubles breathing), did as expected go away. With chronic illness, time is sooooo important, because you (I) need time to figure out what is normal and what might likely go away and what might not. It reminds me of what I used to think in those first couple of years after diagnosis — I had to learn how to be the new me 🙂 In the first few years after diagnosis, it is all so new, it is very hard to discern what to fear and what to ignore for awhile. It is exhausting to worry, and to spend so much time in the doctor, so I am glad that I have learned what I can ignore…
As part of my ongoing attempt to walk throughout the day — not just in the morning — I walked to the local park, circled the park twice, then walked back. All told, it took 40 minutes. I’m not certain of the distance,, but so far today I’ve walked 6.7 miles so it must be a little over 2 miles, perhaps closer to 3. I eat my lunch at my desk so I can carve out the time to walk, and I love it.
Despite my health ailments, I try very hard to stay fit (I can’t take too much credit for it, it is just wired in me to want to move my body like some people are wired to climb mountains or paint pictures or collect stamps). And currently at 5’11” I weigh 157 pounds dripping wet and can do 4 or 5 slow/easy/disciplined reps of 185 pounds bench pressing, 125 pounds bicep curling, 285 pounds leg pressing and 200 pounds lat pull downs, which isn’t too shabby all things considered and for a guy who doesn’t care too much about being strong or muscular (I just want to stay fit).
Yet today my Ankylosing Spondylitis and/or Fibro is especially active, and I could barely lift my laptop out of my laptop bag, and it was just excruciatingly painful to bend over (from a sitting positon) to tie my shoelace. How fascinating the body and health and illness are, where you can lift more than your bodyweight without straining or breaking a sweat, yet lifting a laptop feels like trying to lift a truck, and trying to tie my shoelace feels like I was hit by that same truck. Go figure.
Wife M wants me to see the Doc to make sure all is well. I scheduled something on Monday morning. I’m sure everything is fine – just another day in the life of chronic illness 🙂