There was a time when I could strap an office on my back. I could pin down a solution, design the website and collateral, support clients, save ugly situations and drive new business. And still have time for other hobbies. Now, I can still hunt. But I struggle with miracles, with doing everything. I can still be successful, but lack the extra oomph to carry others.
I am feeling that today as we work to build a proposal for a new client. It is frustrating for me to know I could once do more. But all I can do is all 8 can do. Thank goodness therapy helped me to accept my new reality, the new me.
There was a time when I washed and cleaned the family cars every Saturday morning, which honestly sometimes drove my wife crazy when she emerged from the house to run an errand only to find me crawling through her car with a vacuum and polish. But — from the Careful What You Complain About Regarding Your Spouse File — since my illness and resulting fatigue, life is now about prioritization and one of the things that fell by the wayside was a washed and cleaned car. So whereas the car was washed every Saturday and waxed twice a year, it is now washed maybe one per year, and vacuumed and waxed about once every — well, never. Who knew that a car that was once washed once per week would suddenly look pretty dusty after a year or more?? Anyway, my wonderful wife M – out of the kindness of her heart and embarrassment by my car — scheduled a detailing for me, and for the price of a nice dinner or two out, I now have a car that literally looks (and feels) like new. A simple happiness in life is a clean car (although as long as there are hungry people I’ll never say it is a priority for me, anymore). And a wonderful happiness is having a sweet wife who schedules that for me.
I would’ve loved to attend the caucus today. But chronic fatigue caused by lung disease at a time of major work stress meant I just didn’t have the stamina today. Which means I am at the mercy of others. It is a funny thing, illness. It forces me to have trust in the decisions of ither people – not an admirable place to be in the age of Ayn Rand in the US. It is why it is so important that the masses do everything to protect each other from the sociopathic.