Five years ago this morning I had my lung biospy – the most painful moment was saying goodbye to wife M, knowing she’d have to worry…

Five years ago this morning I went in for my lung biopsy.  What I remember most about that experience were the final moments before surgery, which were the most painful for me during the entire experience.  Why?  I was worried about my wife…  

For the previous two hours, I’d been in great hands.  My wife drove me to the hospital, the nurses gave me comfortable pajamas and a robe, and everyone who came to see me was very kind and treated me with dignity. When it was nearly time for the surgery, they had me slip into a rolling bed with warm sheets, which were quite cozy.  The surgeon paid me a final visit to ask how I was doing, and I joked that it was most important that *he* was doing great, since he was the one doing the operation 🙂  Then it was time to wheel me away to the operating room and I had to say goodbye to WIfe M.  Five years later, that is still a painful memory for me…

I smiled and kissed her and reassured her that I would be fine and to take care of herself, but I had to fight very hard to keep my composure and although I was smiling for a split second as she kissed me I was worried I might lose it since I was so worried about her.  I myself was going to be in a fine place, since I knew from previous surgeries that the next five hours would literally evaporate for me and that literally the next thing I knew I would be in recovery with kind and caring nurses attending to me.  In other words, I’d be free from pain and worry.  

But my wife was going to have to spend five excruciating hours wondering how the surgery was going, if I was okay.  I didn’t want her to go through that, I couldn’t imagine having to go through that. Later, that evening, while the nurses were caring for me, my wife would have to go home and cook dinner for the kids and keep the household running.  And all the time — even if the surgery went well, which it did — we still had to worry about the results of the surgery: did I have something fatal?  

Everything turned out about as well as can be hoped, but I’m glad that moment of saying goodbye to my wife is over.

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Five years ago this morning I had my lung biospy – the most painful moment was saying goodbye to wife M, knowing she’d have to worry…

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