The “quiet” panic attacks are returning a little bit…

I am wired to smile.  I am always surprised when I see photos of myself, because I am always smiling, even when I am not aware that someone is taking a picture.  I mentioned it once to my wife and she said, “You are always smiling.”  I’ve always been that way, even far back into childhood.  So no one in a million years would guess, but the past few weeks I’ve been having my quiet panic attacks, where suddenly I am worried about work, money, the kids, etc.  When they very first started, in 2009, we were in wonderful financial shape but I was having worry attacks about money (turns out, the worries were founded, since medical bills have wiped out our savings over the years 🙂 ).  They went away for a few years, but are back again this month…

Thank goodness, for my therapy, because when this happens I take the steps he taught me (think of three positives, don’t worry about the future, five deep breaths…) and this almost always sweeps away the worry so I can go on with my day.  I had one last night as we were being seated at Mexican food, so mentioned to my wife that I’ve been having them lately (again, no one would have any idea I was having those worries, and thank goodness, too, that I know that it is just chemical).  My wife mentioned that worries her, because that was a retrospective symptom I had when I was first getting sick with lung disease – turned out all those worries I was having back when were a symptom of my sickening lungs.  So she is a little bit worried that I am relapsing.  I don’t think so, I think I am just tired and needing our pending vacation.  But she makes a valid point, so I am going to make efforts to cut back on inflammatory foods for awhile (sugar, etc.).  Fingers crossed!  And for the millionth time, I am grateful that I care about my health, but don’t worry or stress about relapse or death — a day at a time.  Once again, I have my therapist to thank for that.

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The “quiet” panic attacks are returning a little bit…

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