My sister was implanted with donated (fertilized) eggs today, which means hopefully she could have a baby by Christmas! I am super excited and have been checking in with her, but my wife M thinks I should play it down, since there is a realistic chance the eggs won’t take, leading to disappointment/pressure for her if we are too excited. But my fear is this: when we *aren’t* excited for her, when we aren’t cheering her on and rooting for her, she might feel alone…
When I was battling lung disease most people were afraid to ask me how I was doing. They might ask my wife privately, but they never asked me. Which made me feel so alone while fighting a potentially fatal and emotionally devestating disease (devestating, because it took away so much of my identity, such as extremely high energy and terrific health). I don’t want to make that mistake with other people – I’d rather make the mistake of asking too much, or showing too much interest and having her tell me to back off, then to not ask at all and have her feeling privately isolated.
Along the same lines, she has been feeling emotional and alone through this two year process, which has included hormones, fertilization tests, etc. etc. She said at breakfast a few weeks ago that it is hard not to feel alone. Believe me, I get it – I never felt so alone as those months I was recovering from my disease. It took me a few months of therapy to recover from that – I suggested she get therapy, but I don’t think she will. Which is too bad – therapy took me from feeling utterly alone and devestated to feeling very grateful for being alive, something I don’t think I could have done on my own.
So I will moderate my approach, but will continue to check in. And to keep my fingers crossed that in nine months I’ll have my first nephew/niece.